Week Two: Forgiveness

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Image provided by YouKenLook Photography

Image provided by YouKenLook Photography


Written by Xiao Mei


“Forgiveness means giving up the suffering of the past and being willing to forge ahead with far greater potential for inner freedom. Besides the rewards of letting go of a painful past, there are powerful health benefits that go hand-in-hand with the practice of forgiveness.” 


Fast Failing

I saw. I chose. I came and went. I wondered. I pondered. I blanked, over and over again. I isolated. I feared. I renewed. I misunderstood. I educated. I researched. I awakened. I enlightened. I found. I discovered. I forgave. I saw. I chose. I went. I reviewed and forgave again. 


Humble Understandings

“The hardest thing you will do throughout life is working on you. We lie to ourselves, we put on different masks, we tell ourselves things we want to hear.” 


Hearing this hit me in a different type of way, because I knew it was true. When I subconsciously admitted that I have been lying to myself for several years I was shocked to hear it. As my peers passive aggressively voiced their concerns towards me I wasn’t able to see clearly. It took an awakening to occur for me to notice me.

Question to my best friend: “Hey, would you consider me controlling? Or someone who only sees things going my way?”

She responded with a sly smile and nodded saying, “Yeah. But I think it stems from you not having that control when you faced domestic violence. So I think you’re constantly trying to gain control from others without even noticing it.”

Internally I respond, “Oh fuck, that seems really true. Okay, don’t cry. Don’t cry.”

My heart was happy knowing she told me the truth. My spirit was glad she loved me enough to help me figure out why I am a Control Freak (CF). My eyes wanted to become teary eyed because my best friend may have uncovered the root of further growing pains I thought I already healed from.

Damn.

Forgiveness requested of me to forgive myself of the unwanted treatment towards others when I didn’t get my way. I am thankful for the awakening, but saddened for the mess I made.

 

Growing Pains

Like Isaiah mentioned in Week One: Awakening — “This is where the new chapter of life truly began….Around this time I started to pick up on tools that could help me learn about the ego and how to understand different personality archetypes, which allowed me to better understand myself.”

This was a pivot point to seek emotional maturity and guidance. I was done being triggered. Just like Mike Tyson who bite off a chunk of Evander Holyfield’s ear during their 1997 heavy-weight boxing title match; what was the upshot for an instantaneous reaction eventually cost him $3 million, all because Tyson gave in to a primal impulse. (The Control Freak, pg. 41-42) 

He was triggered. 

And so have I been.

Triggered. 

Xiao Mei Tweets: “Decisions made in 30 seconds can birth consequences that last a lifetime.”

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a word.

@thenudeblog




Xiao Mei’s Self-Reflection Journal:

“Promises to me from me: I promise to calm my heart in times of anger. I promise to calm my mind in times of pain + struggle. I promise myself to focus on the good things when I am hurt. I promise myself to be strong when I feel misunderstood. I promise myself to try hard to love others when I feel like they’ve taken advantage of me. I promise myself to remember sweet words they’ve spoken to me. I promise to be human and to turn my check the other way. I promise myself if I feel hurt, sad, a burden, ignored, misunderstood, incomplete, forgotten, or blamed to do my best to not try to control the situation, but to let it go and say “Okay.” I promise to be understanding.” 

Having my own awakening of self-destruction was a blessing in disguise. With the help from loved ones who were honest exposing my truth, I treated this time of “CF, nonchalant/idgaf energy but hurting people just because I lowkey care” as a perfect opportunity to make wrong right. 


The Dark Phoenix

For those who know me know I am a major superhero fan.

From Marvel to DC Comics, I hold very dear to my heart each character, because every mutant has taught me a life lesson. Recently the movie, Dark Phoenix, debuted and I related to Jean Gray heavily. Let’s disregard the bad acting and forced scripts...but just for a moment I realized how similar I am to her. 

If you are not into fictional superhero movies long story short, Jean Gray was born mutant and by accident was unable to save her parents during an auto accident. She was unwanted by her own blood, but found a new family of mutants who protected her, loved her, so on and so on. Unfortunately, on a suicide mission she was exposed to a higher power that she adapted to, but uncontrollably as time went on she was unable to maintain her original powers. Because of this she was the murderer of those she loved and cared for. The only path to healing and peace was being forced to travel back to her childhood to remember who she was. 

It took her to have an awakening of hurting those she loved and the will to forgive herself of uncontrol. 



Trying Again To Try Again

One thing no woman or man can ever take away from you and I is the power to choose, the power to give and the power to forgive. Dr. Kamen stated that forgiveness transforms anger and hurt into healing and peace. It can help you overcome feelings of depression, anxiety, and rage, as well as personal and relational conflicts. And it is about making a conscious decision to let go of a grudge.

While it may be easier to forgive judgemental peers who do not easily forget. It’s often harder to forgive ourselves for keeping us away from our own truths. Professionals have made known that the problem for many of us is we sometimes choose to forgive one another, but still hold anger or resentment in our hearts. But luckily forgiveness is a teachable and learnable skill. 

As for me (personally) it took the deterring of relationship (friend or romantic) after relationship after relationship after relationship after relation...you get the point? To the moment I finally woke up #awakened and zoned in on the multiple causes. 


Xiao’s $0.02

  1. Be honest with yourself. (Forgive)

  2. Seek guidance from those who will tell you the truth and who love you enough to see you succeed. 

  3. Listen to them. 

  4. Take precautions.

  5. Research wisdom. 

  6. Purge any ugliness. 

  7. Write down your triggers.

  8. Renounce promises to you.  

  9. Reinvest.

  10. BREATHE.

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