The Secret Ingredient of Letting Go

Written by Xiao Mei // Images by Andrew Downing


When life wants us to move on, why do we grasp onto expired memories? the people we love, the friends that we hold dear to our hearts and to the intimate relationships - we struggle to escape. Why is it so difficult to let go? 

Naturally, I am a hoarder. I keep materials I am afraid of losing along with the people I fear will eventually leave. #Anxiety - My phone currently holds roughly 9,500 images, 1,500 videos, 575 selfies, 2,600 unread emails, 60 unread messages and 75 apps that have not been updated. This is a wild example of how attentive I am to making sure nothing changes.

Rarely do I find safety in letting go of something with a meaningful past. (Meaningful in regards to a past of value and worth. Anything less is easy to forget and capable of moving forward from.)

So, lately I did some soul searching to understand why this relatable struggle occurs often. I talked to myself aloud and jogged my mind in the past to relive specific experiences. I became emotional and there was no wine involved. I was shocked myself, but here’s what I discovered.

The secret of what hinders us from letting go is we fear our tomorrow. So I then brainstormed three (3) “bible quotes” I started living by, which I believe you can benefit from too. Here’s my naked thoughts:


Always Show Love In Everything You Do.

It sounds simple, but often we show love, we perceive it on an intimate level. Considering love is primarily a physical gesture, yet this type of love goes beyond our romantic religion. It’s definitely not 50 Shades of Grey, but it is being open minded to others lifestyles in acceptance of their decision makings.

The subtle ingredients that prove you’re ready to show love are these:

  • You remain positive in all situations and challenges throughout life circumstances.


  • You give what you cannot afford and offer what you do not have to give.


  • You are present and adaptable to assist others throughout their journey of discovery.

Sounds easy, but may seem complex once proving it in action. I believe the greatest display of love is #2. Administering love although we may not be receiving it from someone else is powerful. It shows sacrifice – what you give is what you get. So keep loving babe!


Live In The Moment and Live In The Now.

Often living in the past neglects our ability to savor the present moments. When I experience a memorable occasion, I then want to relive it. For example, dining at a new restaurant preferably the M at Miranova. Because my initial experience was delightful, I’ll rebook a reservation to assure I dine again.

In the same correlation, as a youngster, when I could not have my favorite dessert due to cavities I’d cry my heart out. Not because I couldn’t have what I wanted, but more so I feared not recollecting my initial fulfilment once I tasted the candy. I craved the satisfaction again.

In a parallel concept, I’ve adapted the mentality to live in the present for the sake of surrendering my vulnerability to what I know as well as the unknown. So, I now consume the present and I’m constantly moving towards the future through baby steps.

“The bigger challenge the bigger the transformation. Discomfort is happening for a reason – so we need to learn to embrace it, take action and to then reap the rewards that follow.”

- Amy Crawford


Stay Focused

One of my mentors always instructed me to align my focus and sights on one thing only. Doing so allows time to initiate further goals in the process of my success because once one task is completed, I can now move forth towards other potentials. Staying focused provides the dedication to develop your means of whatever you want.

Whether it’s finding your happiness, educating yourself how to cook or to learn a new task. Stay focused on what you want and you’ll be completing #2 (Live in the moment.)


Xiao’s $0.02

Show love in every way, live in the moment while staying focused and fear nothing…then will you find everything in return.