Choose Your Response
written by xiao mei // captured by wyze
Quit crying and stop twiddling your thumbs hoping the love of your life comes running back. If he’s gone for a reason, it must be time. You need time and space to figure out whatever it is you’re lacking in life and what you can do to return that safety and security you've been feening.
I couldn’t always seem to grasp why most of my relationships seemingly didn't work out. But that’s personal reasons I admit I’m dealing with. On the other hand, I’ve been in the dating scene for sometime and discovered a reality I believe most can relate to.
THEY NEVER TRULY LEAVE
After dating a person for sometime and they decide to opt out, do you ever look at them calmly and think, "Okay. That's fine. You'll be back soon?" And you gently allow them to leave with the door wide open.
If you never realized the principle of a full circle, I'm sure you were frustrated as I was when that special someone left. As for me, when a partner I was building with decided to cancel our relationship, I was shook. I built up anger. I was frustrated. I wanted answers. I wanted to control and regain what I lost. That was my broken response.
But slowly one by one, I noticed those I no longer dated crept their way back into my life randomly. Why does this happen? I'm not a psychologist with all the answers, sorry. However, here are my two cents...
THE CONCEPT OF A FULL CIRCLE
Once I noticed a pattern of the way men moved, I created a mindset that what we may not have at a certain time in our life, doesn't mean we will never see it again in our future. Earlier this year, four men I once dated re-entered my life. One found me on Facebook, which was a true shocker. In today's time, if someone searches you on FB that speaks volume ha.
I'm not spitting numbers for the fun of it. I'm sharing how interesting it can be receiving a random message by someone you once believed would be nonexistent to you. Of course we have the right to choose if they should re-enter, but the concept is what I'm relaying.
CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE
Training my mind to develop the simple fact what isn't yours now will be yours in the future took time to understand. Rhetorically, life is a full circle and life repeats itself again and again - then why should I worry if I've lost someone or something? If it was once mine, it is bound to return to me again.
During this process of understanding this concept, my reactions towards letting people go became more swift. It made the transition of opting out from dating become less verbally aggressive. It also helped accepting someone's will who prefers to move on put my mind at ease.
The way we react is another form of communication if not the strongest interaction between two people. It’s one of the many things we don’t consider when entering a relationship…Fact is, I'll spend more time prepping my appearance making sure I look fine as wine (nails done, hair did, spray tan check and outfit is 100% ready for wear.) But, I never prep myself to act accordingly if someone I really were interested in decided to leave me.
When the time comes about to reconnect with a lost loved one, how will you choose to let them re-enter your life?
Majority of my examples involve dating because it's easily relatable. But the same concept goes for entrepreneurs who receive a call from a company who declined your offer that now wants a shot at partnering with you. How will you respond?
Same goes to the friends that withered away who wants to partake your friendship on good terms. What will your response be?
Regardless of what we've lost, I know it is true to come back full circle. The way it returns may not be how it initially was brought to us. But you have the right to choose how to respond.