Where To Spill The Tea?
(all images provided by Parisha Janelle Photography.)
You can read this with your ego attached to your heart or can read this in acceptance. Accepting the fact that gossip is constant within our society, but it does not make you less or more of a woman when partaking in it. It is what it is and gossip will forever be one of all of our realities. Escape the tea if you can, but for me it feels like drinking Bulliet (on the rocks) with a splash of lemonade while my old fling hits me with an “I Miss You” text.
...sometimes I give in, other times I leave him on read. Let me explain.
HISTORY OF “HE SAID, SHE SAID”
Gossip: In the 16th century, the word consumed the meaning of a person, mostly a woman, one who delights in idle talk, a newsmonger, a tattler\. Over time, gossip came to mean talk of others.
While I am no history guru it appears airing out dirty laundry never began when the Internet was first established (1983). According to Wikipedia, people enjoyed dishing the tea much sooner in the 16th Century. As for any poet who is obsessed with word origins, you might already know that the word gossip first appeared in Shakespeare. This is nothing but a fun fact. :)
From the 16th to the 21st century, to me it’s evident that the human race loves to communicate. Need I say, WE love to communicate. It is one of our birth rights, because we crave relationship. Which probably explains why I have always felt the desire to date man after man. I simply crave a special connection with someone.
THAT PART!!! Listening to Todd’s breakdown of how social interactions are intentional helped awaken my senses. It legitimately help me to understand that how people communicate is based upon how much time they spend with their self. If that makes any sense?
If not, let me rephrase. The intent of people’s heart is exposed by the way they communicate with others.
Relationship is a strong desire from every one even if that means discussing people’s private affairs — AKA gossiping or spilling the tea. Some type of psychological shit happens that allows us to feel connected with others even if it’s none of our business. THAT PART.
People love relationship. People love to be appreciated and people love to relate.
Side note: now it ALL makes sense why women can easily connect by bad mouthing other women. It can be as simple as slut shamming, rudely commenting on her clothes, etc. etc. The list goes on and on. Side note of this side note: I have been guilty of this, but s/o to my self-reflections for helping me realize this.
TRUST MISTAKEN FOR COMFORT
I am comfortable with her.
I feel safe and secure.
Sober or intoxicated, she gets me. She’s in my corner (for the most part)
We listen to each other. I am here.
Girl’s night is a must, boy talk is a default.
But the moment I want to share my goals, dreams and aspirations...
“Oh wow that’s crazy.”
”Omg, I can’t believe it.”
Here she goes like on another merry go round.
I never asked for this information.
Sis, my soul is hungry.
I don’t care about who’s cheating on who in our community. My soul has an appetite for the for the treasures of life That’ll help me grow into the woman I am supposed to be. So if I discontinue my connection with you, sorry love;
My soul is thirsty for fullness.
The lame walks and talks can no longer come with me to where I’m supposed to go.
NO THANKS, I’M FULL.
Every woman has a voice. It is perfectly okay telling another female how YOU want to be treated. In dating, friendship, romantically, business, roommates, etc. etc. A thing I like to remember is that intentions matter. People do things with intent. Everyday. Everyday. Every single (fu*****) day.
Have you ever asked yourself, why is she telling me SO much of other people’s business. How does she know all these details? Does she have a job or is she a private investigator? Wait a minute, so she has this much time for tea???
As we grow in finding better ways to communicate with ourself we’ll start to realize healthy gossiping vs. toxic tea. I’ll be the first to say that I still send texts like “Bitchhhhh, you’ll never guess what I just found...” hence it pertains to me. Which is my ONLY exception. If it pertains to me then hunny I’m spilling the tea. :)
I believe women have the power to use our voice in a positive light. And the only way to have success in uplifting other women is having the most loving and healthy relationship with our self first. Like Pastor Michael Todd explains, you treat others how you treat you. And at anytime you feel the urge to bash someone, maybe grabbing a pen/paper is the best idea haha.
I’ll continue to send you all love + light, even on my darkest days.