Oh, Hey Girl! You Date Him Too?




I am sure by now you have came across another woman who once dated your man, who is dating your man or has some interest pursing that same fellow you had your eyes set on.

I am also sure you might feel incompetent or perhaps you may feel the need to “level up,” because your territorial behavior probes you to claim who you believe is yours. It may be you feel the need to remind a man why you are the one. 



I’m not statistically stating factual numbers, but I believe by natural law us women will clash against our own sisters when selecting a mate. Is it social behaviors? Can we scientifically prove why females become aggressive and compete with one another? Sorry, I am not verified to say.

My research is in my experience. You can bite me if you are indifferent, however, here’s what Noam Shpancer Ph.D. (A professor of psychology at Otterbein College and a practicing clinical psychologist in Columbus, Ohio.) said,

“Only in the 80s did science begin to investigate in earnest the same phenomenon on the other side of the gender divide: female competition for a suitable male. A host of studies in recent years have shown convincingly that the traditional view of women as passive and uncompetitive is wrong. Women, it turns out, are engaged in a competition of their own, aggressively jockeying for position in a battle to secure a suitable mate.”

(…I couldn’t help but to share more of what Sphancer said, keep reading…)

“Feminist psychology, however, argues that competition among females is driven primarily not by biological imperatives but rather by social mechanisms. According to this argument, cutthroat female competition is due mainly to the fact that women, born and raised in male-dominated society, internalize the male perspective (the “male gaze”) and adopt it as their own. The male view of women as primarily sexual objects becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. As women come to consider being prized by men their ultimate source of strength, worth, achievement and identity, they are compelled to battle other women for the prize.”

My thoughts reading Sphancer’s last passage was - Jesus, mind blown! There it is!



We are the true product of our environments. Our environment has shaped the individuals we are all today. But without the people, an environment would not exist and knowing this shows us how full circle life is.

With that said, it takes time changing an environment because habits are established. Changing social habits may seem impossible, but it doesn’t mean it cannot be improved for the better. As Sphancer said, the first step toward changing a habit is becoming aware of it.


XIAO’S $0.02

First and foremost, I am only in competition with myself. Years ago I did not have this mindset and for that reason, I envied other women. I tried controlling my intimate life by believing I had to show myself as the baddest b*tch.

Nowadays, I can confidently walk to a woman who I know is interested in the same male companion I’m talking to and have a lighthearted conversation with her. There’s no eye-rolling. No smacking my lips. No shade being thrown either.

Leave the man or remain focused on yourself. Expect other women to ALWAYS approach him and vice versa for all genders and relationships.

…trust me, this is easier said than done, but self-discipline is a daily task we must capture hold of.



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